Return to Self--A tale of Finding
by SkywalkerChild
Summary: *Chapter 10 now up* 10 months after
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: George Lucas is the sole proprieter of the characters I am about to talk about. But since he hasn't been handling them well, I've decided to take things into my own hands.  
Spoilers: NJO up to "Balance Point."  
Author's Note: This is a story about Mara Jade. Maybe it's not the all-holy Mara Jade some   
of you have come to worship, but this is Mara Jade to me. This is the Mara that should have   
logically grown out of our first encounter with her, IMHO. I never disliked Mara; I just   
didn't want her with Luke. And the original Mara would have known that too. So this is   
why I'm bringing Mara back to what she was, while still showing her as an evolving being.   
Consider it AU if you want (all of the novels are anyway), but for me, this is a continuation   
of the story. Hopefully I'll save some characters along the way.   
  
RETURN TO SELF--PROLOGUE  
  
Mara peered into the bassinette next to her bed. Blue-green eyes stared back at her, a small   
smile on her infant son's face. His dirty blond hair was barely visible in the low light of the   
Skywalker apartments. The eerie Force-silence which surrounded the child had been a   
cause of concern for both parents. It reminded them of the yslarmmi they had experienced   
when they had first met.  
  
She put her calloused fingers within his reach, and the baby grabbed on, cooing happily.   
She smiled briefly, but it didn't reach her green eyes. The longer Luke was meeting with his   
new Jedi Council, the more trips he had to make to Yavin IV to oversee this or that, the less   
happy she became. She had been trapped on Coruscant for six months, restricted to   
intra-planetary travel only. Her disease was still too uncertain to risk space travel while   
pregnant.   
  
But Luke's life as Jedi Master had not slowed down, and she had told him to go and save the   
galaxy for her, because she was bedridden. He had smiled, and kissed her on the forehead,   
and left sadly, demanding updates of any changes in her health or the baby's. She had   
willingly obliged--for a time.  
  
With time to think about their whirlwind marriage and every problem they'd faced since   
before they said "I do," Mara began to realize that this wasn't what she wanted. Maybe the   
illness had dulled her ability to think clearly, or she had just fallen into the notion of   
"happily ever after" for a time, but this was not the life she was meant to lead. She would   
not trade her young son for anything, but she was not a mother figure. She had been an   
apprentice to the Emperor, a trader, and many other things. There was a need to be active in   
her; a need to roam and explore.  
  
The child, seeming to pick up on the negative thoughts of his mother, whimpered a little and   
Mara picked him up instinctively. She rocked him back in forth, cradling his head gently.   
The silence got louder around him, but she didn't care.  
  
"I'm sorry that you had to hear that, Ryft." She kissed the top of his head. "Mommy loves   
you very much, and I will always be here, but there is something I have to do with my life. This can't be it."  
  
*****  
  
Mara sat with her sister-in-law, pouring over reports of disappearing Jedi. Some had been   
incapacitated and sent to Duros, others had simply vanished. Whether they were in hiding   
or dead, no one knew for certain.  
  
Leia sighed, running her fingers through her very short brown hair. The decontamination,   
and chance to reunite her family had cost her the brown locks her husband loved and had   
made her famous. Now, grey was coming into the once dark brunette color that had covered   
her head. She looked older.   
  
Scratching absently at the side of her hip where the new synthe-skin had been placed, Leia   
finally looked up from her plasti-pad.  
  
"Fear does strange things to people," she declared.  
  
Mara nodded. "And the Jedi, with their creed about fear leading to the Dark Side, are   
succumbing too. The galaxy needs them now, more than ever."  
  
"Them?" Leia asked, eyebrow raised. "Aren't you a Jedi, Mara?"  
  
She coughed. "Well, yes, but I'm not of much use to anyone. Your brother won't let me   
leave the planet, even though we all know I can defend my son better in my ship than I can in   
an apartment."  
  
Leia smiled sadly. "You've given him something he never knew he wanted, Mara. He   
doesn't want to lose either of you."  
  
"I know."  
  
*****  
  
Having given young Anakin babysitting duties, Mara made her way through the buildings and   
corridors that formed the surface of Coruscant. She wasn't really sure if this gamble would   
even pay off, but she had to try. She couldn't say good bye to her new family unless she had  
somewhere else to go.  
  
The floors that made up New Republic's Intelligence Branch were bustling with activity.   
The Yuuzhan Vong had not gone away, despite the impending birth of Master Luke   
Skywalker's first child. In fact, their announcement that the flushing out of "Jeedai" could   
save the Core Worlds made young Ryft's birth even more pressing.  
  
It took her several minutes of searching before she found the door she wanted. She knocked   
confidently, despite the flexible nature of the situation. She would either be welcomed with  
open arms or shunned and then promptly sent to Duros for purification.  
  
A C-3PO droid answered the door and ushered her in to the office and then left, the door   
sliding silently shut.  
  
"Mara Jade Skywalker, your call was a surprise," the man behind the desk said in a voice  
mixing joviality and apprehension. "What can I do for you?"  
  
"I want to help," she blurted out. That hadn't been the articulate speech she had prepared,   
but it got the point across.  
  
He nodded slowly. "Yes, I gathered as much. Did you have a way in which you planned to   
deliver this aid?"  
  
She shook her head. "I hadn't gotten that far yet, actually. I just know that I need to do   
something to stop the Yuuzhan Vong. The military doesn't need me, but you might."  
  
"Need you for what?" he asked, sounding intrigued.  
  
"I'm a Jedi; the Vong want Jedi. You need an operative in there." She raised a hand to cut   
off his impending objection. "I know Wurth Skidder tried it and got killed, but he was alone   
in there. He didn't have the NRI keeping an eye on him."  
  
The man leaned back in his chair, hands peaked in consideration. "How would we monitor   
you? The Vong would remove any technology they found and destroy it. And then most   
likely you. We don't need to sacrifice more of you than is truly neccessary."  
  
Mara smiled. "Implants."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Implants?"  
  
She nodded. "Yes--one in my ear, one in my mouth. That way, you could talk to me, and I   
could talk to you. You'd also be able to hear anything said near me."  
  
He opened and closed his mouth experimentally. "How did you know we had developed   
those? We've had them under lock and key for months."  
  
She grinned. "I'm Jedi, what can I say?"  
  
He glared at her. "Does your husband know about this?"  
  
"If Luke knew about this, he would never let me go." Mara shook her head. "Nobody   
knows about this; in case any of the others get turned over, I don't want them to expose me."  
  
A smile crept on to the man's face. "You've thought of everything, haven't you?"  
  
"Basically, yes."  
  
He reached down to push the com button. "Let's get you started then." 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: George Lucas owns all of the characters I'm talking about, but he hasn't been taking very good care of them.  
Spoilers: Up to "Balance Point"   
Note: If you haven't read the prologue (and reviewed it) go do that now!  
  
RETURN TO SELF--CHAPTER 1  
  
The walls were gray, just like the entire planet. When Mara opened her eyes, the bright lights   
blinded her for a minute, and she turned her head to the side, closing the green orbs tightly.   
She heard and felt another person enter the room quietly.  
  
"I'm awake," she tried to say to the nurse, but her bottom jaw was still numb from the surgery. It   
came out as more "ifuhwk."  
  
The nurse, an older male, patted her on the shoulder and read her bio-signs carefully. Slowly,   
the beeping of the machines around her came to her ears, although the sound in her right ear   
seemed muffled.  
  
Opening her eyes again, she looked around just in time to see the doctor coming. He   
stuck another needle into her chin and after a few minutes, she had the sensation back.  
  
"How do you feel?" he asked.  
  
She nodded slowly. "I'm okay," she said, much more clearly than her previous attempt at   
speaking. "A little dizzy, but okay."  
  
The doctor nodded. "Test out the implants; we need to make sure they're okay."  
  
Mara clicked her tongue experimentally and heard a man halfway across the planet yell   
"Sithspawn!" as he threw off his head-phones.  
  
"Well, that part works," the doctor said, chuckling.  
  
"And the ear piece too," Mara responded, covering her right ear with her hand. "That curse   
sounded like it was coming from right next to me."  
  
The doctor smiled. "Excellent." He handed her a piece of plasti-pad. "Now remember, your   
center of balance is going to be off for 48 standard hours before your body adjusts to the ear   
piece. And everything you eat is going to taste like steel. But the implant won't get destroyed   
unless you get a strong urge to ingest X-Wing fuel."  
  
She grinned. "I really doubt that's going to be a problem."  
  
After a complete post- surgery physical examination, Mara was released back to NRI where her   
official briefing would occur. The journey there was marked by a lot of thinking. She would   
miss her child terribly. She would miss Jaina and Anakin; she would miss Leia and the Noghri.  
She might even miss Luke.   
  
*And,* she thought dryly, *this could very well get me killed.*  
  
Death, however, was not really an option. If she died, the Jedi would be one being down. A   
child would be without a mother. A young girl would be without a tutor. A man would be without   
a wife.  
  
She had to come back, and she had to be victorious.  
  
*****  
  
"The long and the short of it," he said to her, "is that we're giving you a B-Wing and a flight suit   
and sending you off to Duros. When you are captured," he paused, "and you will be captured,  
you are to say you were doing reconnaisance for the NR military. When they find out you are a   
Jedi, feign ignorance." He sighed. "After that, it's up to you."  
  
"These things," she asked, tapping her ear and then chin, "they are going to work over this   
long a range, aren't they? I'd really hate to get half-way through the Koornacht Cluster and find  
out you can't hear me."  
  
He shook his head. "Don't worry about it; they've been tested at the Outer Rim. You'd have to  
get as far as Bakura before things started to get garbled."  
  
She nodded, looking at the short list on her briefing pad. The NRI must have decided that she  
knew enough about the Yuuzahn Vong; they didn't need to tell her everything twice.  
  
"So," she asked, "what does a New Republic starfighter pack in a B-Wing when going on   
reconnaisance?"  
  
*****  
  
Ryft cradled in one arm, Mara sat down at the communications console. She had to leave   
messages for everyone, even if she couldn't tell them where she was going or if...no,   
when...she'd be back. But the Skywalker-Solo family had taken her in despite the fact that she   
had once tried to kill their most Force-strong member and hadn't let any of them get close to   
her. They had a right to hear her say goodbye.  
  
She started with the easiest one:  
  
"Han, it's Mara. By the time you get this, I'll be flying through deep space searching for some   
bad guys to pulverize. Don't let your kids or your wife or my husband out to try and find me;   
they won't have any luck and will just be in danger. I knew you'd understand."  
  
One by one, she covered each member of the Solo family individually. Jacen, Leia, and then   
Anakin, which had been difficult. But the hardest was yet to come:  
  
"Jaina. After you hear this, you're probably going to abscond with your X-Wing from Rogue   
Squadron and try to find me. Put that idea out of your head right now. I'm out doing something   
that needs to be done. That no one else can do. Your cousin is on Yavin IV with his father.   
Be kind to your mother; she's gone through a lot in her lifetime. And she does love you,   
Jaina, very much."  
  
That done, Mara's mind drifted to her husband. What should she say to him? Nothing. There   
was nothing to say to him that wouldn't send him hauling-ass across the galaxy looking for her.  
The Force would let him know she was alive; that was all he could hope for. She wouldn't let   
him risk his life doing something he didn't have to.  
  
Ryft stirred in her arms, opening his blue-green eyes and then frowning. The Force-less   
bubble around him would be a blessing to Mara--as long as Luke was in the presence of his   
son, he wouldn't be able to search for her. And knowing Luke, he'd be spending an awful lot of   
time with his child.   
  
She chewed on her lip thoughtfully and then realized what she had to do. "Ryft, we're going on  
a little journey. You're going to see your father."  
  
*****  
  
The lines of hyperspace shrunk back into tiny stars around the B-Wing cockpit. In the seat next   
to her, Ryft slept, seemingly unaware of the foolish endeavor his mother was about to   
embark on. She hoped Luke wouldn't have to explain to their child why he had lived his life   
without a mother.  
  
The Jedi Academy was covered in darkness as the rickety B-Wing landed on the platform. A  
hooded figure, obviously female, walked out to greet the unexpected visitor.  
  
"Mara?" Tionne asked, confused and obviously quite tired. "What are you doing here?" The   
Jedi woman's eyes fell on the bundle in her arms. "The baby?"  
  
"He's fine, Tionne," she whispered, even though no one else was around. "But I need you to   
do something for me. I need you to bring Ryft to his father after I'm gone. And also give him   
this," she said, handing the bard a long, heavy box.  
  
"Where are you going?" Tionne asked, concerned.  
  
Mara shook her head. "Nowhere you, or anyone else, wants to be. Will you do all this for  
me? Once I'm out of the system?"  
  
The other woman nodded. "Yes, of course. Good luck, Mara. May the Force be with you."  
  
Mara smiled sadly. "We can only hope. Thank you, Tionne."  
  
*****  
  
Luke heard the knocking on his door and sat up immediately. His sleep had been plagued for   
nights now with the uneasy vision of Mara alone in a Force-less space. He had felt that kind of  
bubble outside his door, which had woken him up.  
  
"Master Skywalker, it's Tionne. I have...some things for you."  
  
Luke got up to open the door and was shocked to find Tionne standing there with an infant in   
her arms, and a box in her hand.  
  
"Ryft?" he asked, taking the child from her. "What's this all about?"  
  
She handed him the box. "From your wife...I'm sorry." She turned around slowly and walked   
off down the hallway.  
  
Closing the door, Luke set his sleeping son down on the bed and then opened the box.   
Inside was Mara's lightsabre, the one he had given her; the one given to him by Obi-Wan. His   
father's lightsabre.  
  
Attached to it was a note:  
  
"Luke, give this to him when he's old enough. It is his by birth. I won't need it where I'm   
going."  
  
*MARA!* he cried out through the Force. *Mara, what have you done?*  
  
So close to his child, the Force would not send his message, and Mara would not answer. 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: George Lucas owns these characters; I'm just treating them right.  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Same as before  
  
RETURN TO SELF--CHAPTER 2  
  
The universe was alive.  
  
With all the time she had spent with her infant son, Mara Jade Skywalker had forgotten how   
much energy there was in the universe. Now, sitting in the cockpit of her "loaned" B-Wing,   
she was allowed to feel the life around her again. Some people might have considered the   
sensation overwhelming, but it was a welcome change for Mara. Surrounded by death and   
destruction for so long, she had lost a lot of hope.  
  
But then Ryft had been conceived, despite her illness and their best attempts to wait. His   
birth had filled them with wonder and fear. They were amazed that he had ten fingers and   
ten toes, but the bubble around him that made using the Force impossible caused them great   
concern.  
  
Secretly, Mara blamed her illness. Two healthy Jedi don't generally produce mutated,   
Force-less children. She wouldn't tell Luke this, of course; he had decided that the child's   
vacuum was merely a chance of the Force, something no one could control.   
  
She allowed him to believe that.  
  
Yawning, Mara looked down at the display and her heart stopped for an instant. In ten more   
minutes, she would be entering the Duros system. She had planned it all in her mind: flying   
in at sub-light speeds, she would get half-way around the planet before they targeted her.   
Fire one "lucky" shot into their laser-black hole, fire a few she knew wouldn't go in, and   
then allow herself to be captured.  
  
Simple, right?  
  
Despite the situation, Mara felt herself smiling. This was what she loved--the thrill of the  
fight, the danger of getting caught. Not very Jedi-like, but a trader, or an ex-Sith  
apprentice, would revel in those feelings. As much as her "advanced years" had brought on  
a calm, there was still a part of her that wanted to be reckless and aggressive.  
  
The warning klaxon sounded and Mara buckled into her seat tightly. She held her breath as   
the lines of hyperspace disappeared and once again became tiny pin points of light. The   
mechanical moons still hung in their orbit above the murky planet, but Mara doubted they   
would last much longer. The Vong didn't keep many promises.  
  
Slowing her ship down to half-throttle, Mara dove gently towards the surface of the   
uninhabitable planet. Her scan of the planet served two purposes: one, her story of   
reconnaisance could later be proven and two, she wanted to know where the largest   
concentrations of prisoners were.   
  
Hand on the wheel and tiller, she began a slow moment to starboard and away from the   
planet. Straightening out the vehicle, she then began to travel to port, circling the planet as   
she scanned for other settlements.  
  
Her targeting and proximity alarms began blaring simultaneously; the Yuuzhan Vong were   
right on time. She began some basic evasive maneuvers as she powered up her laser and   
ion cannons.  
  
They got off a few lucky shots. She felt the ship rock as several of their weapons fired at   
her starboard ion cannon. A shot to the tail of her ship set her into a momentary spin, which   
she corrected instinctively.  
  
With one ship finally in her sites, she fired wide with her laser, then hit straight on with her ion cannon. As was to be expected, the Vong ship was not damanged. Next, she moved her  
ship hard to port, then hard to starboard, trying to avoid the weapons fire around her.  
Another ship fell into her sites and opened a mini-black hole off its own port side. She fired   
high, hitting the dovin basal with some of the laser, while the rest of it got sucked into the   
abyss. Her sensors, modified to pick up a loss in the Vong shields, was showing a blue   
outline around the ship, an outline that had once been bright red. Another few shots at the   
dovin basal and then....  
  
She set off a large, full power blast from both her ion cannon and lasers. The display was   
marvelously morbid as the ship flew into a thousand different pieces.  
  
She looked down at the status of her ship: aft shields were holding, life support was   
nominal. Her starboard ion cannon was pretty much useless, and her tail had been scorched   
pretty badly.   
  
*Not bad for an infirm Jedi* she thought.  
  
Two sudden tugs from her right and left startled her. Looking out her viewport, she saw that  
two of the ships she had been fighting were emitting their gravity wells around her. She was  
trapped. She put up a decent fight, moving the ship around in their make-shift tractor beam,  
even attempting to escape out the front and back.  
  
The planet got larger and larger on her view screen. They passed over the destroyed  
settlement of their last attack, and memories of Jaina, Jacen and Leia's injuries came   
flooding back to her. With a deep inhaling and exhaling, Mara pushed those thoughts out of   
her mind. Her friends would not be of any use to her any more. She was here to save them.  
  
The landing on the planet was rough. Mara pulled a blaster from a hidden compartment as   
she heard the door open to her ship. The sound of two...no three Yuuzhan Vong coming   
towards her was eeire in its familiarity. How many times had she seen these creatures?   
How many times had she fought this battle?  
  
The door to the cockpit opened and she ducked into her chair, firing several shots around the  
side of it. They had little effect, and she was not surprised when she was picked up by the  
collar of her flight suit and thrown to the deck.  
  
"Have you come to sacrifice yourself to the gods?" one of them asked. He looked like   
almost every Vong she had seen--scars, tattoos, bones broken and never realigned.  
  
"Actually, I was hear to purge the galaxy of you." She looked up to her captors. "Guess I   
needed more back up."  
  
The two of them began to talk to each other in their own language, and the one who had not   
said anything to her yet placed a foot firm on her back. She wasn't going anywhere.  
  
"We will take you to the War Master," her friend finally said. "He will decide your fate." 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: If I owned these characters instead of George Lucas, do you think I'd have let them  
get to this point? No.  
Rating: PG  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 3  
  
It may have been a living dome, but the Yuuzhan Vong bio-sphere couldn't have felt more  
dead to Mara. It was still eerie for her to see the Vong and yet only have black holes in the   
Force where they stood. The walls of the dome were bulbous and rough, like the skin of a   
sarlacc. She couldn't say for certain, but if she was allowed to stand still for long enough,   
sometimes it looked like they were pulsating.  
  
Her arms were starting to hurt. Her two "escorts" were holding her quite firmly, afraid to lose   
their latest sacrifice. There wasn't any where for her to go, but as a "new" victim, she probably  
wouldn't know that. The corridors they walked her through seemed to get longer, not shorter.  
She really wanted to sit down.  
  
*Note to self--do not go on any more dangerous missions less than a month after giving birth.*  
  
One of the guards knocked politely on a living panel at the end of a hallway. It slowly slid   
aside and Mara was thrown to the floor in front of a Vong with a broken ankle. She tried to   
stand up, only to find her back was being held down by one of their living sticks.  
  
The Warmaster hobbled over to her and lifted her chin up with what appeared to be a cane.   
She looked up at his scarred, tattooed face and cringed. *The more powerful, the uglier.*  
  
"This is our latest sacrifice?" he asked her two guards. "She is not very strong."  
  
One of them must have shook his head. "Respectfully, Warmaster Lah, she did destroy one of  
our smaller attack vessels and damage several others."  
  
The Warmaster looked her over again. "Brave? Or stupid?" He shrugged. "No matter. Put  
her in with the war coordinator. She will help him grow."  
  
*****  
  
Mara had to catch her breath and filter the air to her nostrils with the Force. Thousands of   
refugees-turned-prisoners were crammed into a space twice the size of her own apartment  
on Coruscant. With all the different species, and none of them getting a chance to bathe, the  
smell was both overwhelming and disconcerting.  
  
After careful consideration, Mara made her way over to a group of forlorn-looking humans.   
Three males and one female huddled together in a corner, talking quietly amongst themselves.  
The next closest group, about twenty paces to the left, was a large contingent of Bothans.  
  
*Bothawui hasn't been attacked yet.*  
  
Hunching her shoulders, Mara spoke to the group in a broken voice.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" she asked.  
  
One of the males, a brunette with striking violet eyes, gestured towards the ground. "Have a   
seat," he said.   
  
Nodding her gratitude, Mara sat down on the ground, drawing her knees up to her chest. She   
peered out at her new companions.   
  
"Jada," she finally said, "from Zhar."  
  
The same male spoke for the rest of them. "Arin," he said, pointing to himself. "These are my  
brothers Ithen and Odwurd." He nodded towards the woman. "She doesn't say anything."  
  
Mara examined the woman closely. When cleaned up, she must have been quite beautiful; her  
hair was long and blond, her eyes were a deep blue. Gently, Mara reached out with the Force  
to read the young woman, but all she got from her was sorrow.  
  
"You all have to help this war-coordinator?" Mara asked.  
  
Arin nodded. "Yup, we do it in shifts so not all of us are tired. It will be our turn soon. Stick   
close and you'll learn."  
  
Mara nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
*****  
  
Luke Skywalker decided that he had to do something. Since Mara had left their son and her  
lightsabre with Tionne a month ago, he had called to her, reached for her and searched for her  
through the Force. He had found nothing. He had given Jaina permission to search their  
apartment on Coruscant, but all she found was that two days worth of clothes were missing and  
that she'd left her wedding band behind.  
  
"I'm going after her," he said to his sister over a transmission to the core.  
  
Leia shook her head. Her hair, more gray than brown, was just starting to touch the tip of her  
ears. "No, Luke, you're not. She left instructions with Han that we were allowed to surround  
you with yslarammi if neccessary."  
  
"Leia, she's my wife. No one knows where she is, or why she left. What kind of woman   
abandons her infant child for a mission?"  
  
The words were off his tongue before he realized he was talking to such a woman. "Leia, I'm   
so sorry..."  
  
She waved him away. "Don't worry, Luke; I get plenty of it from Jaina." She sighed. "But as  
a woman who sometimes chose duty over family, I can tell you that whatever Mara's reasons,   
they're pretty honorable." She paused, scrutinizing her brother carefully. "If you promise to   
stay where you are, I'll do a little more governmental snooping and see what I can find. She   
had to get that B-Wing from somewhere."  
  
*****  
  
The NRI offices were empty except for one young man who'd drawn the short spice stick this  
month. Wearing a pair of headphones, he listened in on the Yuuzhan Vong establishment on  
Duros. Nothing was going on and he was bored to tears.  
  
The woman with the implanted tranceiver coughed what sounded like "NRI" and then was silent again.  
  
"I hear you, Operative, what is it?"  
  
Her voice, although barely a whisper, sounded very close by. "There are at least three war  
coordinators on Duros. Whatever they've been telling us about trading Jedi for freedom is a  
lie."  
  
"Understood, Operative, I'll let the higher-ups know."   
  
*****  
  
Mara massaged the rough skin of the war coordinator in time to the beating on a platform above  
her. Various unhappy species did the same, sweat pouring down whatever passed for brows  
among their kind. Mara wanted to drop too.  
  
She had been careful. The war coordinator kept reaching out to beings, trying to draw on their power. She was doing her best to shield her Force-ability from the creature. She had to find  
out more about their plans before she went off in search of the captured Jedi.  
  
A gong sounded somewhere and a Vong appeared above them. "Excellent work; the war  
coordinator is pleased. Now go fill yourselves with nutrient suppliments. Your shift is done."  
  
Tired and hungry, the masseuses filed out one at a time, rarely breaking away from species groups. There was comfort in familiarity; it was best to associate with those you knew you'd  
get along with rather than branch out and possibly have problems later.  
  
Sliding down the wall, Mara passed on the bowl Arin offered to her. For some reason, she  
concentrated better on an empty stomach. *Must be all those times Palpatine sent me to bed  
without my supper.*  
  
She inhaled and exhaled experimentally, checking for the guards. Seeing that they were on  
the other side of the hold, she closed her eyes and slowly dipped into the Force.  
  
She knew she should be judging the proximity of the other Jedi, but instead she found herself  
searching for Jaina, Anakin and the rest of her new family. All were alive and counted for.  
  
Mara almost reached out for Luke, to send him a comforting thought or two, but drew back from  
the instinct. No, if she did that, he would find her, and then where would young Ryft be?   
Strangely enough, she didn't feel a need to be with Luke, mentally or physically. This distance  
she had created had been strangely rejuvinating. She felt less...tied-down. 


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All characters are the sole property of George Lucas and whomever created them.  
Author's Note: I know people are reading these, but I'm not getting very many reviews. If I   
don't get more reviews in my mail box, flames or love notes, I won't be writing any more of this.  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 4  
  
Mara licked her lips and felt the salt from her sweat starting to solidify. The air in the war   
coordinator pit was too heavy to evaporate anything off the working humanoids. By her   
bodily calculations, it had been a Coruscant month and a half since she had been captured by   
the Vong. She had learned of no other war coordinators, and hadn't over heard any more   
plans to invade the Core.   
  
She would wait just a little longer, and then she would let her guard down around the Force.  
  
The war coordinator tensed under the hands of its masseuses and then began to buck. It had   
done this twice before, claiming the powers of a few captives to help it grow. Mara steeled   
herself against the oncoming tentacle, and pressed herself tightly against the wall.  
  
Surprisingly, many of the tentacles went towards the mute blonde with whom Mara had   
found herself living. The woman's eyes opened wide with fear, and for a brief second,   
Mara thought she saw the color of the woman's eyes move and expose a dark brown iris.   
Shaking the illusion off, the red-headed Jedi watched as the woman was tightly embraced by   
the coordinator and then dropped into the slime uncerimoniously.  
  
A door opened somewhere above and Tsavong Lah hobbled in. Immediately, the war   
coordinator extended a single tentacle and wrapped it gently around the torso of its master.   
All watched as Lah closed his eyes and allowed the information that his pet was giving him   
to seep into his mind.  
  
His vengeful eyes flew open and became dangerously focused on the blond woman his pet  
had just sapped dry.  
  
"She is Jeedai," he declared, pointing a crooked, tattooed finger at the shivering woman.   
"Put her with the others."  
  
A door on their floor opened and two Vong, possibly the same two that had apprehended   
Mara, took hold of the woman under her arms and dragged her away. No one in the room  
dared to breathe until the doors above and below were closed. Then they all stared at each   
other in wonder and fear.  
  
*****  
  
Tionne watched as a young Correllian female exerted a lot of mental energy to pick a stone   
off the ground. The older Jedi smiled, remembering a time when she was in the shoes of that  
girl. Tionne was no longer bitter that her Force power was limited, and she knew that her   
young apprentice would get over it as well.  
  
Next to her, Master Skywalker's young son cooed impatiently. The dampening field the   
child possessed disturbed most of the students, and probably his own father. Tionne had   
watched as Luke tried to shower affection on his first-born, but found it difficult to get away   
from the fear his lack of Force contact near the child brought about. So one day, hearing the  
child cry during a lesson, Tionne picked Ryft up and began to sing to him softly of the Jedi   
gone by. That had appeased him.  
  
"Yes, little one, I know you are famished." Tionned cupped her hands around her mouth and   
called to her young student. "All right, Lyndha, that's enough. You can go and get some   
lunch now; the rest of the students are in the dining hall, I'm sure."  
  
The young girl did as she was told and Tionne picked up the child, along with the blanket he   
layed on, and carried him carefully down the steps to the hallways of the temple. Jedi-trainees young and old flew by her, stomachs growling with the anticpation of lunch.  
Tionne chuckled to herself and then found her way into the kitchen.  
  
Blocked as she was from the Force, Tionne was a bit startled to discover that Master   
Skywalker was in the kitchen of his Praxeum. He rarely came into the areas of the temple   
where his students might be socializing.  
  
She coughed quietly, moving the infant from her left shoulder to her right.  
  
Luke turned around, startled. "Oh, Tionne. I didn't sense you there."  
  
She grinned. "Ryft is great to have on my team when I'm playing hide-and-seek."  
  
Luke chuckled a little bit and then the laughter stopped. He put down the bowl he was   
holding and walked over towards his friend. She offered him the child and he took his   
young son carefully. She saw in his eyes the vacuum that was suddenly created but he   
kissed the boy's forehead before handing him back to her.  
  
"I have to go to Coruscant, Tionne," he stated, going back to his bowl.  
  
She nodded, going over to the refrigeration unit for some milk for the child. "I'll take good   
care of the students while you're gone. We're all doing shifts in the control room, looking   
for the Vong."  
  
He stopped what he was doing but did not look up. "I need you to keep Ryft with you while   
I'm gone."  
  
She blinked, startled by his words. Tionne knew how much Luke loved his infant son; the  
thought of him leaving the child without *one* of his parents was unsettling.  
  
"Why won't you take him with you?"  
  
Luke still did not look up. "I will be very busy with the Senate and the new Council. I don't   
want to impose on my family...or even Threepio." He finally raised his head and made eye   
contact. His eyes were filled with fear and uncertainty. "Ryft likes you; I don't want to   
disturb him by giving him a new nanny."  
  
Tionne nodded slowly. "All right, Master Skywalker. Everything will be just as you left it."  
  
*****  
  
The lights had been dropped in the prisoners' sleeping area, and humanoids all around Mara  
snored in an uneasy sleep. The three men who had adopted her also slept, the loss of the  
woman who's name they didn't even know obviously not weighing very heavy on their minds.  
  
But Mara did not recognize this new Jedi. The thought that someone with Force-sensitivity  
would not have come forward to Luke's academy seemed odd. Yavin IV was a haven, a   
school for those who had the gift.  
  
*Or the curse,* Mara thought. Luke's presence was growing stronger in her mind. He hadn't  
disappeared for as long as she would have liked, and now she knew he was travelling to   
somewhere close by. She reached out tentatively...no, he didn't know where she was.   
  
Shaking her head, Mara forced herself to focus once again. Luke was not her concern; the   
blond Force-sensitive was. Mara bit her lip in thought. *How come I didn't know?* she   
asked herself. An untrained Force-born wouldn't be able to hide the fact from someone who   
had spent even a minimal amount of time training.   
  
Mara felt an inkling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't her danger sense, but something   
close to it, as if a flag had been thrown. She needed to get closer to this Force-woman and   
discover what exactly she had to hide. 


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All hail the great GL.  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 5  
  
Luke sat close to his sister, keenly aware of how much pain she was in. The miracle that   
had saved her legs had not been without its price; she could only stand for ten minutes at a   
time; walking was limited to five. Her sacrifical act to save the refugees would always be   
with her.  
  
As the senators droned on, he listened less and less. Rather than listening to thinly-covered   
lies, Luke opted to read the emotions of the speakers, to see how they truly felt about the   
subject. The intense negativity waving up from Borsk Fey'lya was hard for him to ignore.  
  
Leia stood up suddenly, and Luke cringed as he felt the pain jolt to her knees and hips.  
  
"You are suggesting that we allow all those who are Force-sensitive to be captured so that   
we have *no* defense against the Vong when they attack again?" she asked hotly.   
  
*Easy Leia,* he thought. The Dark Side began with that sort of passion.  
  
"They have promised to stop if we give up the Jedi; why shouldn't we do just that?"  
  
What Leia wanted to say was "You are an ignorant, self-serving, furry little pile of Bantha podoo" but instead bit her tongue and calmly replied "Have the Vong kept their promises to us yet?"  
  
The senate began to roar. Those supporting Leia clapped their approval of her words; those   
with Borsk grumbled and whispered amongst themselves. And those with no clear-cut   
position simply observed. Luke felt a massive headache coming on.  
  
*****  
  
*...and three,* Mara thought, opening her door to the Force while massaging her limb of the   
war coordinator. Despite the empty pockets formed by the Yuuzhan Vong, Mara felt   
energized by the flow of the Force through her.  
  
The creature bucked and began to throw out its tentacles in random directions. Mara   
cringed as the war coordinator wrapped its tentacles around her. It began to suck lightly at  
first, tentatively exploring the energy she was giving off. Curiosity began to feed it then, and   
the Jedi woman felt her knees go weak.  
  
The events of the next few moments were a blur. She heard doors opening; she felt herself   
hit the floor. As two sets of muscular arms hauled her off the floor, Mara hoped Luke hadn't   
just been given a way to find her.  
  
*****  
  
Viqi Shesh watched the tape of the senate hearing with great interest. Illness had meant she   
was unable to attend, and now she wished the villip hadn't reacted so poorly with her body.   
The strained muscles on both sides were rather comic.  
  
Sometimes she regretted what she was doing, but she could tell a victor when she saw one   
and she didn't want to anger those who would soon be in charge. Some might have said she  
was a traitor, but she preferred to think of herself as an opportunist.  
  
The villip next to her began to morph and she watched it with interest and then saw the face   
of the War Master. She smiled.  
  
"You honor me, Lah. What can I do for you?"  
  
"We do not have enough Jeedai; what is the delay?"  
  
She bowed her head respectfully. "The people of the Republic are hanging onto hopes that  
the Jedi can save them. Until they learn otherwise, some will not want to turn them over."  
  
Lah shook his head. "This is not good enough." *The war coordinator needs the Jeedai   
power if we are to succeed.* He frowned. "Find us more Jeedai, Senator Shesh."  
  
*****  
  
Mara rolled over slowly but wished she hadn't. She thought about using the Force to block   
some of the pain, but found herself too tired to even do that. She decided that she must have  
a few bruised ribs and maybe a sprained ankle.  
  
She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and then opened them slowly. She was   
staring at a wall much like the one she'd leaned up against that first night on Duros. But from   
this room, she felt an overwhelming pool of the Force. There were Jedi nearby.  
  
With great determination, she rolled back on to her back and then tried to sit up. From each   
side, two pairs of much kinder arms helped her press her back up against the wall. She  
nodded her thanks to both men.  
  
"I don't recognize either of you," she said slowly, the muscles around her mouth tight.  
  
One of them grinned. "Another lady said that when she first got dropped here. She   
explained to us about the Prax-e-um," he stumbled over the word, "We told her we weren't   
Jedi, just travelers."  
  
She blinked. "Wait, other woman? How long ago was she brought in?"  
  
The one who'd been talking to her, probably as tall as Luke with whitish-blue hair, looked to   
his companion who just shrugged. "A week, maybe two."  
  
Mara grinned. "It was her. Do you know where she is now?"  
  
Both men shrugged. "The creatures took her right after she arrived."  
  
As if on cue, two of the Vong walked in and grabbed hold of Mara tightly, finishing her   
ascent to vertical. She looked over her shoulder as they dragged her out of the room, but her  
new companions had already turned away.  
  
*If they're not Jedi, why are they here?* she wondered as she was dragged through another  
expanse of hallways. Wherever they were taking her, the Force was getting stronger as   
they neared it. *Going to put me with my own kind, I see.*  
  
She was dropped uncerimoniously into a room with maybe a dozen other beings. A quick   
survey of her comrades revealed that she only knew one of them, even if she wasn't wearing   
the wig.  
  
All of the others looked at her and then walked over slowly to shake hands. "Welcome to   
the party," a Bothan said. "As you can see, things are just getting started."  
  
Mara nodded. "Evidently." She looked through the crowd again. "How come I don't know   
who any of you are?"  
  
The Bothan spoke again. "Most of us are so weak in the Force, we didn't bother to go to the   
Academy Luke Skywalker had set up. But apparently we were strong enough for some   
person or another to decide we could save the galaxy by sacrificing our lives." He looked her over. "Hey, you look really familiar."  
  
Mara ducked her head. Some people obviously had a vid network. She extended her hand.   
"Mara Jade," she said, "but don't let the word get out I'm here. I'm a piece of high-interest   
for the Vong."  
  
"Who turned you over?" a woman with brown hair and gray eyes asked. Mara examined the   
speaker closely. She was eerily familiar.  
  
"No one," she declared, advancing slowly on the speaker. "I'm here to hopefully fix this   
mess." She reached out with the Force towards the other woman but found a solid wall.   
"Who are you? We've met before."  
  
The woman ran a hand through her short, greying hair. A ripple of saddness and...regret   
flowed from her and then Mara saw a picture of Luke, much younger and smiling, float into   
her mind.  
  
Mara's green eyes went wide. "Callista?"  
  
The woman from her husband's past nodded. "Yup, it's me. Congratulations, Mara. You've   
got quite a husband." 


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I am nothing but an outlet for the characters that George Lucas and his affiliates  
created.  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 6  
  
Tionne held the child in one arm as she answered the call that Master Skywalker had made.  
  
"Yes, Luke?" she asked, dropping the formality. It was the middle of Yavin's night, and the  
baby had not afforded her much sleep lately.  
  
His frown deepened. "I woke you up, didn't I? I forgot about the day cycle change."  
  
Tionne shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Ryft isn't one for sleeping much. I'm learning to  
get by on two or three hours." She smiled. "What can I do for you?"  
  
He shook his head. "Bad news here. The Senate is getting closer and closer to doing some-  
thing drastic, which effectively puts all of those on Yavin IV at risk for death." He paused to   
breathe. "How many students there do you think could speak competently to the Senate?   
Preferably the younger ones."  
  
Tionne thought, shifting Ryft to her other arm. The infant reached out towards his father's image   
and cooed with curiosity.  
  
"Hello Ryft," Luke said quietly. "I hope to see you again soon. Don't give Tionne a lot of   
trouble."  
  
The Jedi woman smiled and so did the baby. "Well, I can send you one of the Calamari...  
maybe the young male from Bothan..."  
  
Luke let himself smile. "That sounds fine. I'll send Anakin to pick them up in a few days." He  
looked at the chronometer on the wall. "I'll let you get some sleep."  
  
She nodded. "Good luck."  
  
******  
  
Mara wasn't sure whether to be angry or blush furiously. This was the woman who had been   
with her husband, the woman he had loved intensely, and yet...Mara was not angry. Or bitter.  
  
"Were you hiding your thoughts from me the entire time I was on the Vong ship?" Mara finally   
asked.  
  
Callista lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mara; I was too shocked when I first saw you and then   
when I went to read you about how Luke was doing..."  
  
Mara nodded. "I can understand how that would be a shock."  
  
The rest of the Force-sensitves around the two women looked very confused. "We go way   
back," Callista finally said.  
  
*****  
  
The Senate had not been moved. Luke, Leia, and her two sons sat around a table, picking at   
a dinner that Threepio had made. They were all very afraid.  
  
"Maybe Kyp is right," Anakin finally ventured, causing his family to look up at him with   
perplexed eyes.  
  
"How so?" Luke asked before Jacen could rant.  
  
"Maybe the Jedi just need to go out and take charge. If the Vong want us, we should go to   
them, but not in the way they think."  
  
Jacen shook his head. "We can't attack them, Anakin. Dark Side, remember?"  
  
Anakin grinned. "What if we let them attack us first? Then it's really just defense."  
  
Leia chuckled, surprising everyone. "Avoiding the Dark Side with semantics; you'll make a  
politician yet."  
  
Luke leaned back in his chair, observing the three Jedi around him. They were all strong in   
the Force in their own ways, bright lights. Unlike his young son, who was a black hole when  
it came to Force energy.  
  
He shook the thought off with a slight twitch. He had to save ALL the Jedi, not just focus on the  
anamoly that was Ryft.  
  
"Anakin, come up with a plan," he said suddenly. "Then let me review it. Maybe we can do  
something."  
  
*****  
  
"Time finally caught up with you, I see," Callista said as she handed Mara a bowl of nutritional  
supplement.  
  
Mara raised an eyebrow and Callista gently tugged at a strand of white hair. Mara looked at it   
and shrugged.  
  
"It was bound to happen." Mara realized then how long she'd been away from the comforts of  
home that her white hair was beginning to show again.  
  
The two women ate in a strained silence. Both were glad to have a familiar face, but the   
extreme awkwardness of the situation did not escape either of them. Callista was desperate to  
know how Mara had won Luke's heart, but afraid to hear that he had trully gotten beyond her.  
Mara wanted to know how Callista had suddenly regained the Force, but didn't want to open   
any old wounds.  
  
"How long have you been here?" Mara ventured when she had finished her meal.   
  
Callista looked up at the other woman, calculating. "Two months, maybe three. My body is so  
out of whack that I can't really be certain."  
  
Mara nodded, understanding. "My body was out of whack to begin with; much more time here  
and who knows what'll happen."  
  
A raised eyebrow from Callista seemed to invite more information on the subject. Mara   
wondered how much to tell the older Jedi. Pulling the brown-haired woman closer, she   
whispered into her ear.  
  
"I had a baby almost 3 months ago. I really haven't recovered yet."  
  
Callista's eyes went wide with fury, jealousy, and countless other emotions. "Congratulations,"  
she finally murmured.  
  
Mara changed the subject quickly. "So, what do they have us do here?"  
  
Callista shook her head. "Nobody really knows. We all arrived about the same time and have  
just been sitting here eating ever since."  
  
Mara furrowed her brow in thought. "So the Vong want all the Jedi to put us in a room together.  
That doesn't make a lot of strategic sense."  
  
"Maybe they need more of us."  
  
Mara blinked slowly. "That is a definite possibility."  
  
  
Hours later, when all those around her were asleep, Mara tiptoed to the corner of the room and  
clicked her tongue once.  
  
At first, nothing but static came back, but then the grumblings of a woman could be heard.  
  
"Just wanted to get your attention," Mara whispered. "Did you hear my conversation with   
Callista?" she asked.  
  
The woman on Coruscant responded. "Yes, it's very interesting and I'm passing it along."   
More static. "How are you holding up?"  
  
Mara shrugged, even though the woman couldn't see her. "I'm okay. Just remember...I'm not  
really here."  
  
The woman probably nodded. "I understand." 


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't want 'em.  
Author's Note: You guys are slacking on the reviews...I don't feel loved at all.  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 7  
  
"Okay, this is getting ridiculous," Mara finally declared after another week of sitting around   
staring at other Force-sensitives. There had been no new arrivals, and they hadn't seen any of the Vong.  
  
Callista looked up from her spot on the floor where she was moving sand around to form   
pictures. "What do you propose we do?"  
  
The others looked at Mara with eager, questioning eyes. Slowly, the Jedi Master she had   
become slipped away and she was a smuggler again, desperately trying to avoid a lot of   
attention.  
  
"I think its fairly obvioius we need to find out why we're all here. Their call for Jedi   
indicated torture and death for those Force-sensitives handed over." She grinned. "Other   
than the food and the light beating when I first got here, I haven't been tortured." She looked   
around. "Any deaths that we know of?"  
  
All those around her shook their heads.   
  
"Okay then. So what do they want from us?"  
  
*****  
  
Luke Skywalker looked over his nephew's plan to attack the Vong. Or rather, non-attack the   
Vong. It had merit. He had even made up a list of level-headed, well-trained Jedi who   
could probably fly the mission.  
  
Luke noticed that his own name wasn't on there.  
  
"Anakin, where's my name?" he asked, suddenly 18 seasons old, whining at his Uncle Owen   
about the various injustices he'd been served.  
  
Anakin looked down at the floor and moved his foot around a little. "Well, Uncle Luke,  
with Mara gone and all...Jacen and I didn't really think you were the best person to go out   
against the Vong." There was a long pause. "Sir."  
  
Luke, although hurt, saw the logic in his nephew's comment. Could he put the disappearance   
of his wife into the back of his mind to save the galaxy? Being a Jedi Master, he certainly   
hoped so.  
  
"Where do I fit in then?" he asked the nervous young man in front of him. Anakin looked up  
smiling.  
  
"You need to go back to Yavin IV and train more Jedi."  
  
Luke blinked. "Anakin, the Praxeum is rather self-sufficient at this point..."  
  
The younger man interrupted. "Yes, I know, but I know I'd feel more confidence in the Jedi   
if the *SUPREME* Jedi, Master Luke Skywalker, was there teaching me how to understand   
the phrase 'size matters not'." He paused again. "Besides, Tionne needs some sleep."  
  
Luke found himself chuckling sadly. The Jedi bard had been taking care of his son for two   
weeks now; Luke wondered if Ryft would even recognize him.  
  
"Maybe you're right, Anakin; maybe you're right."  
  
*****  
  
"Mara?"  
  
The voice was soft and a little uncertain above her. Mara opened one green eye and saw the   
face of Callista looking down on her.  
  
"Problem?" she asked groggily, slowly starting to sit up.  
  
"I'm sorry to wake you but...I have an idea."  
  
Mara raised an eyebrow. "Talk to me."  
  
Callista looked around nervously, whether for Vong guards or other awake Jedi, Mara wasn't sure.  
  
"We need to get organized."  
  
"Against what? The Vong haven't touched us since we've been here."  
  
"That doesn't mean we shouldn't be prepared; basic lesson of the Jedi."  
  
Mara coughed uneasily. "I never finished my training."  
  
Callista's face was at first shocked, but she covered it quickly by nodding. "I remember   
Luke talking about that."  
  
Silence fell over the two women, both staring intently at their feet.   
  
"I do remember some of it," Mara said. "Most of my knowledge I picked up along the way.   
Or learned when I was very little." She paused. "I don't know who decided I was a Jedi   
Master."  
  
Callista shrugged. "Regardless, you and I are the two of the better trained Jedi here; we're   
going to have to do something."  
  
*****  
  
Leia wanted very much to huddle in the corner and disappear into the woodwork. The   
Senate was a chaotic combination of anger and praise at what the Jedi were going to do.  
  
*Not that anyone are supposed to know,* Leia thought bitterly. *Who in the name of the Sith   
let it out that there was a plan?*  
  
"They will not have our help, Ambassador Organa Solo," Borsk said. "The Jedi are   
becoming too impulsive; they do not represent the will of this Republic."  
  
A senator from Calamari stood up. "Don't they? The Jedi are trying to rid us of the Vong;   
that's what the New Republic wants."  
  
"They are trying to save their hides!" said another, anti-Jedi senator.  
  
"Do you blame them?" another asked. "If my group was being targeted for extinction, I'd be   
trying to find a way to save my people."  
  
The yelling went on and on. Leia noticed that one woman, Viqi Shesh, was saying nothing.   
She was watching with great interest, but didn't seem to have a strong opinion on the fate of   
the Jedi. Or the New Republic for that matter.  
  
Threepio came scurrying over to Leia, who was once glad for the interruption.   
  
"Mistress Leia," he said quietly, "I believe Mistress Jaina has a lead as to where Mistress  
Mara might be."  
  
Leia's eyes went wide. "Where? Where's Mara?"  
  
Threepio did his best to shrug. "Mistress Jaina asked that you meet her at the NRI complex  
when you are finished here."  
  
The golden droid scurried off again, leaving Leia antsy for the debates to end. 


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Owned by George, not mine.  
Author's Note: Sorry this took so long; writer's block is a bitch.  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 8  
  
A dozen Jedi sat cross-legged on the floor of the Vong prison, staring at each other. Many   
were nodding off, existing on maybe half an hour of sleep each. They had been training non-  
stop for almost a week, mostly at night when the Vong didn't visit.  
  
Mara seemed to be suffering more than anyone. She and Callista had been organizing the   
others, helping them develop their Force-skills and strengthen their bodies. But the red-and-  
white haired Jedi had never regained her pre-pregnancy stamina and it was now taking its toll.  
  
"How are we all feeling?" Callista asked those around her.  
  
Some grumbled about the lack of sleep, but their Force-energies said they were doing fine.  
  
Callista placed a rough hand on Mara's knee. "Do you need a break?"  
  
The other woman began to shake her head but a yawn interrupted the action. A few of the   
other Jedi chuckled and then yawned as well. Mara looked up with her bloodshot eyes at   
the group and nodded.  
  
"I think we *all* need a break. Let's take a few hours to rest before we start moving again."  
  
The Jedi scattered quickly, collapsing onto their sleeping areas. Callista helped her   
co-leader to her own "quarters" and sat down next to her. She watched as the wife of her   
former lover curled up on the floor, letting out an exhausted sigh.  
  
"Mara, you can't save the galaxy if you're going to collapse in battle." She dropped her   
voice. "You have a baby to get back to. I don't want to tell your son I let you die."  
  
Mara smiled weakly at the mention of her son. "I came here to work; don't put me on bed   
rest. I did that for three months before Ryft was born."  
  
Callista shook her head. "Just take it easy"   
  
****  
  
Leia made her way to the NRI complex as quickly as she could. The thought of her sister-in-  
law being alive was a great relief. Luke had become even more self-involved and   
despondent since Mara had left; something was needed to snap him out of it.  
  
The guards, who had apparently been expecting her, let Leia in without fuss. Jaina, her brown hair cropped short now, met her mother with an excited expression.   
  
"I found her!"  
  
"How did you manage that?" Leia asked, trying to keep up with her excited daughter.  
  
"A few Jedi mind tricks, a glance into some brains..." Jaina saw the look on her mother's   
face. "Kidding, Mom. I just started doing some back tracking as to where she'd been lately,  
what ship she took when she left. It all pointed to the NRI."  
  
"That still doesn't explain where we're going, or why the NRI told you anything about your  
aunt."  
  
Jaina stopped in the hallway and turned to face her mother. "Believe it or not, I've got some  
connections of my own. I did manage to make a few friends while I was leading a   
sequestered life in your quarters." She took a breath. "The woman who's been keeping   
contact with Mara is the mother of a friend."  
  
Leia shook her head slowly and followed her daughter in silence as they walked deeper into  
the NRI buildings. Finally, Jaina opened a door with a long code and ushered her mother  
inside before locking the door again.  
  
"Councilor Organa," an older woman said from a console. "It's an honor to finally meet  
you."  
  
Leia smiled her diplomatic smile and then nodded. "It's my pleasure, especially if you have  
information on my brother's wife."  
  
The woman frowned. "I'm really not supposed to be doing this...but you can talk to her right  
now if you like."  
  
Leia perked up. "Please. I promise to take full responsibility for any trouble you get in."  
  
The woman wordlessly handed Leia the headset and offered her chair to the tiring New   
Republic councilor. Leia sat down and cleared her throat.  
  
"Mara?"  
  
At first, there was no response, but as the Intelligence woman turned up the sound, Leia  
could hear people rustling around and talking. The voices got quieter and then a very  
familiar voice spoke.  
  
"Leia? How in Sith did you find me?"  
  
Leia grinned and gave a "thumbs-up" sign to her daughter. "Jaina tracked you down. Are  
you okay? Luke's worried sick. We all are."  
  
She could hear Mara sigh. "I'm fine, just a little tired. How's my son?"  
  
Leia's grin turned into a sad smile. "Ryft is fine; Tionne's been taking good care of him."  
  
There was a long pause and Leia thought she might have lost contact with her sister-in-law.  
Then Mara's voice came back, quietly.   
  
"Leia, I'm doing a lot of good where I am, which is why I'm not going to tell you where that   
is. Please tell Luke that I'm okay, but if he tries to find me, I might actually kill him this   
time." A pause and another sigh. "You'll know if everything works out, Leia. Please don't  
try and contact me again."  
  
Leia opened her mouth to speak, but she could hear the background noise growing. Mara  
was returning to the crowd she'd been in. She wanted no more to do with Leia at that   
moment. Or until she returned, for that matter.  
  
She handed the headset back to the Intelligence woman and stood slowly. "Thank you so   
much," she began, "we just needed to know she was alive and well."  
  
The woman nodded, speaking hesitantly. "I can keep you updated on that much, if you'd like."  
  
Leia turned to her daughter, who nodded eagerly. "Yes, please," Leia said. "Just send any  
information directly to my office." Leia began to leave with her daughter then turned   
around.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
*****  
  
Viqi Shesh waited expectantly for her liason to contact her. Eventually, the villip began to   
morph and Shesh bowed her head.  
  
"Good news," she said immediately. No need to mince words. "The wife of the most  
powerful Jeedai is missing. No one seems to know where she is."  
  
"How is this news good?" the Vong asked, clearly unamused at the interruption.  
  
"If you can find her, and destroy her, you will send the Jeedai into a self-destructive spiral.  
Their Master will not be able to function without her."  
  
The Vong seemed to think this over carefully. "What does she look like?"  
  
Shesh explained Mara's description to the Vong contact who nodded.   
  
"We will find this Jeedai and destroy them all."  
  
*****  
  
Mara's sleep was fitful. A sense of unease had settled over her and had tickled her danger  
sense. It wasn't for Ryft, or Luke, or any of the Solos...it was for her. *She* was in   
danger. And her dreams reflected that.  
  
Flashes of her childhood came to the surface: the Emperor's face looming over her; Vader's  
mask staring over her master's shoulder. That could have been any number of occassions  
when she had feared she may have angered those two men enough to get herself killed.  
  
She saw herself as a young adult, coolly watching as a stormtrooper was tortured for   
something...maybe his boots weren't clean enough. The child she was seemed unaffected;   
the adult she had become was appalled.  
  
Resigning herself to the fact that sleep wasn't an option, Mara opened her eyes and looked  
around her. All these Jedi were here because of a power they'd been given. But they'd   
never been trained to protect themselves with that power. It was sad. Mara wanted to get   
all these creatures out of here so they could train, or not train, and live the rest of their  
lives.  
  
*Soon they'll be ready,* she thought. *Callista's been doing a great job. Soon we can plan   
their escape.* 


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: If I owned all these characters, they wouldn't be so screwed up as they are now. As it stands, the "Star Wars" crew is   
property of George Lucas.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Author's note: I haven't had much to work with lately, so I apologize for the long delay. If you really miss my writing, you can always  
review other things I've written. And no, I have no shame.  
  
RETURN TO SELF--Chapter 9  
  
Leia waited impatiently in a conference room she had "borrowed" for the evening. The Jedi were doing their best to arrive on time, but  
planet security had gotten much tighter since the Vong threats, and no one wanted to take any chances. Even Luke was having trouble  
getting on and off the surface.  
  
Her brother walked in then, the newly perpetual frown on his face. Nodding at those students, and former students, who called out to  
him, Luke made his way to where his sister was standing. After a long hug, he sighed.  
  
"Didn't this used to be easier? We'd get some ships, fly to a system, blow up the bad guys, and be home in time for supper. What  
happened?"  
  
Leia chuckled. "We've gotten older, Luke. It's not that easy anymore." She looked around the room. "Is this almost everyone?"  
  
The Jedi Master nodded. "I just had to give clearance for Kyp and a few of his comrades to join us. You can imagine how happy   
planetary security was to learn they'd be here."  
  
Leia chuckled again.  
  
Once Kyp and his friends arrived, Leia gestured for everyone to be seated. There were general murmurs of discontent and curiosity,  
but everyone eventually quieted down when Luke took the podium. No matter how long one was away from the Academy, Master  
Skywalker always deserved respect.  
  
"Thank you all for coming," he said , his voice tense. "You all received word from Anakin or Jacen that we needed your help. I'm glad  
to see you took my nephews' words seriously." He let out a sigh. "The Vong are asking for us all to surrender; you know that. The  
Republic believes that is the best course of action. We are, apparently, dispensable."  
  
The whole group began to shout out protests. Surprisingly enough, Leia noted, Kyp and his friends merely sat back and watched. Luke  
waited a few more moments before gesturing for everyone to calm down.  
  
"We cannot let that dissuade us from helping the Republic, however. We are her citizens; if she falls, we are all doomed." He received  
a few nods of agreement, but everyone else remained skeptical or angry. "We know where the Vong are; they've made no attempt to   
hide their whereabouts. It is time for us to act!"  
  
"Master Skywalker, a question?"  
  
Everyone turned towards the back of the room at the sound of Kyp's voice. He stood and bowed politely before speaking again. "Are  
you saying that we should...attack the Vong?"   
  
The group began to murmur again and Luke waited for silence. "A passive-aggressive attack, but yes Kyp, an attack nonetheless." He  
waited until everyone settled before continuing to speak. "You were all chosen because you can fly, and you can shoot with accuracy.  
If you agree to helping our cause, you will be given a data pad with your instructions." Several hands shot up to ask questions but Luke  
waved them down. "Do not misunderstand, this is a group effort. But we will not announce the plans here. We need loyalty to the plan  
before we tell you what you'll be doing."  
  
One by one, everyone in the room stood up and walked forward for their assignments.  
  
*****  
  
Mara decided that, if she survived, she was going to give up her life as a Jedi and see if Talon would take her back. She watched,   
amazed, at how quickly the other Force-sensitives had learned from Callista. With two leaders, the group now felt that they could act,  
that they didn't have to die, forgotten, on a Vong ship. And if they did die, they knew it would be in helping to destroy a threat to the  
galaxy that was bigger than the Empire had ever been.  
  
There was a rustling sound from one wall, and a door suddenly opened. Beings scattered quickly, hoping to cover up their training activities by looking forlorn or sick. Three Vong entered the room, looking around with great interest. Every female was dragged   
from where she was and lined up against a wall. Mara watched in surreal fascination as the first grabbed Callista, then herself.  
  
*This is it,* she thought, standing tall. *They're going to make sure the Jedi cannot reproduce by shooting us all.* She exchanged a  
nervous, but strong, glance with the gray-eyed Jedi on her right and prepared for the worst.  
  
One by one, the women were examined. The Vong moved rather quickly down the line, pushing each woman back into the center of   
the room when they were done. Callista was given the same treatment, but all three Vong stopped to look at Mara intently.  
  
*This cannot be good.*  
  
The three Vong spoke to each other in their native tongue. Although she did not understand, Mara could tell the discussion was heated.  
Eventually, one of them grabbed her by the arm and began to drag her out of the room.  
  
"What are you doing? Where are you taking me?" It was not hard to make her voice sound panicked and frightened; those emotions   
were very real to her at that moment.  
  
There was no response as they dragged her into the hallway and locked the other Jedi into their cell once more.  
  
*****  
  
Jaina stood in Wedge Antilles' office, waiting for him to stop talking on the com. She had been grateful the man had agreed to see her,   
so she kept her patience while he attended to his own business.  
  
The call finally ended and Wedge looked up at her. He smiled and gestured towards a seat, which she declined, shaking her head.  
  
"This won't take very long, sir but I...I have to ask you something."  
  
Wedge, being the smart man that he was, smiled and nodded. "I always get a little scared when Solos and Skywalkers ask me for things.  
What is it that you need? A leave of absence?"  
  
She shook her head. "Actually, I need to steal a squadron of X-Wings, and wondered if that would be all right with you?"  
  
The pilot started to laugh. Jaina was put off at first, but then realized he wasn't laughing at her maliciously; he actually did find the  
request extremely amusing and probably not too surprising.  
  
"Your mother came to me earlier suggesting the same thing. I didn't think she was serious, but I think you are." He wiped a tear from   
his eye. "This is for Jedi matters I assume?"  
  
"Republic matters by way of the Jedi, yes sir."  
  
Wedge ran his hand along his chin for a moment, then turned on his computer screen. With a few button pushes, he brought up what  
he was looking for and began to nod.  
  
"I can conveniently 'forget' to assign a security task force to the docking bay at 0300 hours. You'll have thirty minutes to get the   
fighters out of orbit." He looked up at her, an eyebrow raised. "Will that be enough time?"  
  
Jaina nodded. "It will have to be, won't it?"  
  
*****  
  
Mara winced as another Vong slapped her against the face. Half-blinded from the beating, her whole body was numb. She couldn't   
imagine, however, that there was much skin left on her body that wasn't bruised. With another lash of the whip, she let out her first  
yelp of pain.  
  
"Finally, she succumbs."  
  
Mara turned towards the voice, but couldn't see anything. She struggled against the ropes, which only made her more lightheaded and  
nautious. She sagged against the post they had her tied to.  
  
The Jedi felt a hand touching her arms and facing, purposefully probing some of her deeper wounds. Mara whimpered, the only   
reaction she could muster.  
  
"Yes, when the Jeedai Master sees you, he will definitely lose heart."  
  
*Luke!* How had they known who she was? Did they have Luke? She tried to reach out for him in the Force, but felt nothing. If he  
was with Ryft that would make sense. If he was with the Vong, however, that would also make sense. Weakly, she reached out to  
Callista and found that she could feel the woman with her mind. *Callista,* she projected through the pain, *they know who I am;  
they're going to use me against Luke. Time is up.*  
  
There wasn't a worded response, but Callista understood the gravity of what Mara had said.  
  
As the whip fell against Mara's skin again, she gave into the pain and passed out.  



	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: _Star Wars_ and all the things associated with it belong to George Lucas. I'm not really sure I'd want to claim them at this point in time.

Rating: PG-13

Author's Note: Sorry again for the delay, I needed to be infuriated by Rebirth before I could start writing another chapter.

Return to Self: Chapter 10

Jaina, Anakin, and ten other young Jedi crept through the Rogue Squadron hanger. They were playing it safe on many levels—Wedge had made sure the area would be clear, and each Jedi projected a blank space around themselves in case someone happened to wander through. Hopefully, it would be enough.

Wedge had thought this theft through, and had even programmed the astromech droids to listen to anything the Jedi told them to do. Twelve x-wings powered up in quiet mode, as twelve Jedi thickened the air to make the sounds even quieter. They had fifteen minutes to clear orbit before things got really, really complicated.

Jaina, nestled comfortably in her cockpit, flipped to the agreed upon channel as she put on her helmet.

"Okay, folks, you know the drill. Get the hell out of here as quickly as you can, and don't stop until you've reached Tatooine. Master Skywalker, my mother and father are already on route."

She got a round of "yes ma'ams" and then silence. She stretched out with her senses, smiling at the excitement they all felt at this great heist. Even Anakin was getting eager to break out and save the galaxy.

With a word to her astromech, they were off the ground. Eleven other x-wings followed as Jaina's astromech told the hanger doors to open. It was nerve-wracking and made her feel vulnerable; she knew there wouldn't be anyone waiting on the other side of those doors…would there? She shook her head. No, if they were there, she would have felt it. They were safe. They would make this escape.

"X-Wing Alpha, please state your destination."

__

Sithspawn, Jaina thought. _I knew this looked too easy_.

"I'm sorry tower, could you repeat? I've got a lot of static up here."

"You heard me, Alpha. Turn your ship around and return to the planet's surface."

"Sorry, tower, no can do."

"Alpha, we will release patrols to come to retrieve you and your group."

"Catch us if you can, Tower." Jaina grinned and turned her comm to the secured Jedi channel. "We're about to have company all. See you in the desert."

*****

Luke stood on the sands of Tatooine, looking out over what had once been the Lars homestead. If he had known at eighteen what is life was going to turn into…no, he still would have done it. Even now, with the Vong creeping across the galaxy, and the Jedi being persecuted, he still would have followed R2 D2 into the desert. Better that than dying at the hands of Imperial Stormtroopers before he could help save the galaxy.

He reached out again with his mind, searching desperately for the wife he hadn't seen in over a month. She'd been closed off, distant. There had been an instant where Luke had felt excruciating pain from Mara, but beyond that…there had been nothing. He knew only that she was not dead.

He felt his sister walking towards him, and a sudden burst of anger welled up in him. Leia knew something about the disappearance of Mara. Everytime he brought up the subject of his missing wife, Leia became closed to him on all levels. He had asked her, even pleaded with her for some information on Mara, but she would not say anything to him about it.

"She made me promise, Luke. It's better for everyone that you don't know. I know Mara wishes that I didn't know either."

Luke turned, and his anger was taken over by sadness. His sister still relied heavily on her cane, and sometimes the pain shot through him with each of her steps. "She's my wife, Leia. I just want to know that she's okay. I want to be able to see that she's okay."

Leia wrapped her brother in a hug. "She's fine. She's doing what she has to do. And you have some of your own things to do. We have to find a way to hide twenty-four x-wings and almost one hundred people out here in the desert." She smiled. "Han's not as fast as he used to be; he could use your help setting up the shelters. Whether he wants to admit it or not."

Luke nodded and started to walk away. Leia began to follow, but then she felt something pressing against her hip. Sighing, she took the padd out of her pocket.

"Luke, I…I have a message for you. From Tionne."

He whirled around and stalked across the sand. "Why didn't you give it to me sooner? Is Ryft okay?" 

Leia nodded. "He's fine, but he misses his father. Tionne just wanted you to see him."

He took the padd from her but did not turn it on. Luke looked his sister over and sighed. "How did you do it, Leia? How did you save the galaxy and still find time to raise your kids?"

Leia shook her head. "Luke, you were so busy that you didn't notice…_I_ didn't really raise my kids. Han did, Chewie did, C-3PO did. But I didn't. I couldn't learn how to balance my work and my family." She rested her hand on her brother's shoulder. "You could go to him now, Luke. You could go see Ryft, bring him back here…"

It was Luke's turn to shake his head. "He's safer at Yavin IV than he is with me. At least for now. Plus I can't…_we_ couldn't have him around. He would be like a yslarmmi…"

Leia opened her mouth but then closed it again. She didn't need to say anything for Luke to know what she was feeling. "Maybe you should go help Han. They'll be here soon, and then we have to make our final plans." She paused, thinking. "Take your time to look at Tionne's message first, though."

Luke walked away, and Leia knew he might never resolve all the issues he had at this moment.

*****

It took Mara awhile to realize she was awake. The room she was in was as silent as her sleep had been, except for the persistent humming of the Vong ship. Pain began to filter into her brain as well—her right arm was probably broken, and her left ankle throbbed with a sprain. There were no massive internal injuries that she could decipher, so she had lucked out there.

Slowly, she opened her eyes. At first, everything around her was a blur. But shadows slowly came into focus, and a pair of very worried grey eyes looked her over.

"Finally," Callista said, holding a glass of water in her hand. "Please have something to drink; your body is nearly dehydrated."

Mara sipped at the water slowly after two sets of hands helped her to sit up. She looked around the room, and saw that there were more Jedi than ever in the room.

"I guess I didn't tell them anything," she said hoarsely. "Why'd they bring me back?"

Callista shrugged, handing the glass to someone to go refill. "You were gone for two days and asleep for three. We've been training and monitoring you at the same time. We set your arm as best we could, but you won't be using it for several weeks."

Mara groaned. Broken limbs certainly complicated things a great deal. "What's our status?"

Callista sat down next to Mara, a fresh glass of water in hand. "Everyone in here is as ready as they're going to be. The newer Jedi have had more outside training, and were very eager to help." She waited for Mara to swallow some of her water. "Ilian here was the last to be picked up," she said, pointing to a tall male Rodian who was standing in the corner. "He said that they'd found him just outside what used to be Alderaan."

Mara felt her stomach tighten. "Coreward. We've got to stop them."

Callista nodded. "I know. Believe me, I know. We're prepared to do it, as soon as you think you're ready."

Mara began to reassess her physical wellness. The arm she could deal with, but she couldn't very well fight with her ankle as it was. Still, if the sprain had been there for five days, she should be better in two or three…

"No, you won't wait for me. We'll figure my part in with some of the weaker talents. I'll be able to boost them, and still have their physical agility as protection."

Callista nodded. The older Jedi woman knew better than to argue. "We'll assemble soon."


End file.
